fast approaching

The sky is grey outside. I can see it from over the cube walls to which I have been relegated. It's a strange perspective, grey walls bordering natural light that streams into the window, despite the grey skies outdoors. I can't see the ground from here, or the buildings that break through the contour of the hills, but I can see the grey clouds, diffused by miniblinds, like another color of paint on the walls.

It's very detached, which matches my mood for the day. I sort of planned to sleep in this morning and call in (or at least e-mail in) to tell them I was sick. I'm not totally sure why, but conscience won out -- that and a desire to use some new bath products I purchased recently. That's a strange reason to go to work.

Strange reason or not, though, here I am, having bathed in new products and put up my hair to get it out of my way. It's been hot and humid lately, the kind of weather that leaves my jeans sticking to my legs and my hair clinging to my neck. It's smothering -- it makes me want to crop it closely. I had a dream the other night that my hair had grown twice as long and twice as thick, and I kept getting tangled up in it, with sweat on the back of my neck.

And the week -- which is quickly drawing to a close -- I mean, really, there's not much I can complain about. My project is -finally- starting to show some progress, after a really long time of planning and stalling, and that's a good thing. I'm going to see Hedwig at the Zach Scott Theater tonight, which is a really great thing, and when it occurs to me what a great thing that is, I'm totally excited about it because I didn't even realize the play was being held over again until last week, and it turns out that the main actor guy played the role in New York for a long time, and I love the play, but regardless, I'm still sort of...

blah.

And tomorrow, at some point, I'm going to Corpus Christi to spend some time with the family for Mother's Day. And I like going to Corpus Christi, and I'm looking forward to seeing my mom, my grandmother, my aunts, the cats, the water, and all the other things I have to look forward to there, but I still can't shake this feeling of...

blah.

And it bothers me that I'm between passions at the moment, and that I can't think of anything interesting to talk about with people, and that I have to move in a month and a half, and that I'm the world's second-worst housekeeper, which means that moving is always excrutiating.

And it's all fast-approaching, and sometimes, I'd like to make the world stop so I can get off, because it really spins too fast. And if not that, then maybe it could slow down some, so that I can take a long nap and kick up my feet a bit, and maybe sit under a big shady oak tree with a big glass of lemonade, or at least do some photography, because I miss that.

Sometimes, I'm just that way.