A Modest Proposal

This picture made me gag involuntarily, so I had to save it for posterity.

Given the outcome of yesterday's elections, it has become clear to me that the American democratic process is in need of some revisions. Admittedly, that will be a large and complicated job, but I have appointed myself chair and committee for rebuilding it. Yes, I am a busy girl -- thank you for asking -- but my country needs me, and I will not shirk from my duty as elector-in-chief. Thank you, thank you very much.

"But how could a busy girl like you be able to visualize an entire new democratic process?" you might ask.

The answer is simple: I'll apply another tried-and-true method of election to the popular elections around the country. Namely, I intend to extend the electoral college to select people for all offices. There will be one small change to the electoral college, which is really not worth mentioning here.*

"Do you have any qualifications?" you might ask.

Yes, yes I do. I have watched elections bungled for the last 25 years, and frankly, it's high time that I take over the world step up to the challenge and aid my country.

I'm sure you understand.

Thank you, and God bless America.

*From now on, I will select all members of the electoral college.