What Hayley Says

I spent part of my winter break entertaining my three little cousins while my mom and uncle worked on installing a door. It was... well, I'd call it an extended process, really, so there was a full day or so of cousin-entertaining. We took Sophie down to the bay (where the little girls played in the tide and got their pants wet), then went for ice cream at Marble Slab ("Rachel, how many things can we have mixed in with our ice cream?" I settled upon two. It was an arbitrary number, but then, the four of us wound up spending $19 on ice cream.)

After that, it was back to the house. In the car, the girls turned on the radio, then turned the knob so the music boomed from the open windows in the warm afternoon. When we arrived at the house, I set up one cousin to play on my laptop (my work laptop, incidentally) while the other two played on my mom's computer. I forget what I was doing -- probably meditating in a corner or something, enjoying the brief respite from screaming little girls -- but my cousin Hayley came to tell me she'd left me a very special message on my laptop.

The minute I got my laptop back to work and set it up, the hard drive started making ugly grinding noises that have me fairly alarmed. I'm in the process of backing up the gigs and gigs of pictures I've stored upon it, but I want to store Hayley's note for perpetuity, as well. It's pretty funny. Hayley, for reference, is ten years old. The note is reproduced exactly and in its entirety below. It's supposed to be written by me.

hayley is the best

alex and emily are second best

i am so nice to them. i give them one milliion dollars per second i love them so much. hayley is the princess,so is alex and emily i am the duchesses i help them always. i let alex blast music. jim,there dad is cool . i laugh at all his jokes,even if they are not funny. i let emily break everything in my house. hayley gets to tell me what to do and i have too do it. the whole family is so cool. my cousins kristin and cory are really awsome!!!!! my uncles and aunts and other cousins are neat and fun too. i am really thankful for all of them also my really cool, awsome,and neat and fun. i am cool. my grandma is funny and great. my dog and cats are fun to play with. the only cat that is not nice is zoey. she is grumpy and has a B.A.(bad aditude) i let everybody use my lap top.all the pets i know are cute. i am fun to be with and have a good sense of humor. my mom is cool because she collects eggs i will give her a 22 carat gold bracelet with real amber stones i will never quit my job so that whenever alex hayley and emily come over they can play on it. i promise too live up to all i have said here.

NOTE FROM AUTHOR
rachel was interviewed and said all of there exact words.she then paid me* 500000000 times more than my real salary of $6700000000890000005644444777.50

* unknown author