Shifting

It took a night's sleep to do it, but my body is definitely feeling the effects of yesterday's stair-falling. My left shoulder in particular is very sore -- I guess I tried to catch myself as I fell. I should know better, but it's hard to stop that sort of thing on impulse.

Despite my sore muscles, I put some effort into rearranging my bedroom today. My room is packed full of stuff, and it's hard to keep it all manageable, but I did a good job of moving some stuff out of the way and turning my bed to go against the wall, in order to free up some floorspace. I'll be able to get out of bed all bleary-eyed without killing myself now, which is a definite improvement. It's amazing what rearranging things and shifting my perspective can do.

I have this persona that I craft for myself, a sort of flighty, carefree persona that doesn't bother making a lot of plans. I'm not sure whether I really used to be that way and have grown out of it in recent years, or whether I used it as an excuse, so that I wouldn't be held accountable for my supposed lack of planning. You might need to ask my shrink, actually; I'm a little tired of my own self-analysis lately. In any case, when I cultivate that persona, I really shouldn't be surprised when people buy into it, right?

The thing is, I do plan. I make really elaborate (and sometimes outlandish) plans for the future. I set goals and timelines, and then I start working toward them. I just don't tend to talk about them much. I've noticed lately that when I do start talking about my plans, people tend to be extremely surprised and sort of concerned. They don't think I've planned things through, because they don't know about them until they're almost complete. I don't talk or write about them very often because... well, that's probably another topic for my shrink. The short version is that I worry too much about what other people think. Maybe that should be my resolution for 2006: turn 30 and quit worrying about what other people think. 'Cause I've got plans, and people are about to start finding out about them.